Ugh. I was planning on a different kind of post today, all about balance in my life (or the lack thereof). And then my husband came home from a crummy, crummy day and we had a giant fight that came out of nowhere (well, maybe not nowhere since I know how awful his day was). Now I'm feeling completely unsettled and jittery, like I can't sit still (which is probably good, because I'm about to go finish cleaning the house before our guests arrive tomorrow) and I definitely am not feeling any kind of balance right now.
I think I can count on one hand the number of times we've had such a major argument in our twelve years of marriage, but each time feels so horrible. We both could have said some different things, but boy, is it hard to stop yourself sometimes. I could see that it was going nowhere fast, but couldn't figure out how to step back in the middle of it.
I hear him walking around upstairs. I'm sure we'll talk when I finally go to bed and the lights are out--somehow it's easier to admit my part in this when I have the protective cover of the dark. And then we'll walk tentatively around each other for a few hours in the morning until everyone's raw feelings have scabbed over and we can talk and laugh easily again. I wish I was already there.