Reconnecting...

Today was a half day at school for students. My own kids went home with friends and my husband and I worked all afternoon. Afterwards, we were going to go home, but some people persuaded us to go out for a drink. Wow, is all I can say. There is something lovely about abandoning your responsibilities for a few hours and just having it be the two of you. It's been a while. Clearly, we need to make this happen more often. I remembered how much fun I have with my husband, and how much he makes me laugh and the little inside jokes we share.

I definitely want to remember that feeling when life presses in around us.

Birthday fun...

So, today is my birthday--yay for me! I am a huge birthday fan, whether it's mine or someone else's. I love to celebrate all day (all week? all month?). So, this morning I took the kids out for breakfast and then we came home and are just hanging out (such a luxury!). They came up to get me and tell me they had cards for me. My oldest made my card on Minecraft (I had him take a screen shot of it to save because it was so sweet!) and my other two gave me their sweet cards. Then my two youngest gave me presents. My daughter gave me a bracelet she made for me. Then my youngest handed me something wrapped clumsily in white paper. It actually felt a little cold. I opened it up and what slid out but a can of Coke! He knows how much I love Coke (but am not drinking it as much anymore), so he wrapped it up for me. I have not laughed so much in a while! My three little peanuts--the best birthday presents I could have!

My brain is tired...

So, three days a week my oldest son goes to fencing. I usually drive him there and my husband picks him up. Often, it's just the two of us in the car. You know all those parenting experts who tell you that the car is a good place to have a conversation with your child? Well, clearly, they are right, but does it always have to be at such an existential level? Along with a dose of almost twelve-year-old know-it-all-ness?!

Today's conversation revolved around my son wanting to find a technological way to make people immortal and how that would work in terms of population control (they have just read The Giver at school, so there was a whole side conversation about "releasing."). Then he moved on to tell me that "sometimes I wonder why we're all here, anyway. Is it just to work? I mean, what are we doing here?" Finally, because they are reading Animal Farm at school, we moved on to a conversation about the nuances of totalitarianism and dictators--how they rule through fear, but is that the case in North Korea, where the people are kind of brainwashed into "loving" the "dear leader."

All of this in a span of about 20 minutes, which I spend trying to play the devil's advocate with his positions because he always has such pronouncements to make about his ideas.

Sometimes, it's a release for my brain when we get there and he goes in to practice! Although, I do prefer these conversations to the ones about Minecraft!

Luckily, my husband and I share the car duty, so while I relax at home with a glass of wine, he can delve into the mysteries of the world for his 20 minutes!

Efficiency, or not...

So, I am not making a lot of headway on my report card comments. Why, you may ask? Well, it's very simple.

1.  I didn't get up until 9:00 this morning. (Decadent! Plus, my daughter had climbed in with us in the middle of the night and was sleeping across me and I didn't want to wake her up.)

2.  I talked to my sister at least 4 times already today. (We love checking in a gazillion times a day when I'm on a break!).

3. I talked to one of my friends who has just had a baby and we needed to discuss the sleeping habits of both of her girls. (And also work out the details of their visit over Easter.)

4. I took the little kids out to lunch today since my oldest was over at a friend's house. (They were going stir-crazy after 4 days of being sick on the couch. Yay for antibiotics!)

5.  Working on a computer with Internet access is more than a little distracting to me. (There was waaaay more time than necessary spent checking on the blogs I frequent!)

So, I am going to finish this up and try to make myself write some more comments. Oh, except, I just heard the garage, which means my husband is home (he is working this week), and maybe we should just chat a little bit first...

Things we'll do for our kids...

This was the blurb on someone's slice yesterday, and it got me thinking. When my husband and I were dating, we would tell each other our stories. One of his was how when he was growing up in England, his mother would draw a bath for him every morning and then go wake him up so he could get right into a nice, warm bath. And mind you, this was not as a small child, this was as a teenager! I would always tell him that his mother was waaaaay too nice! Of course, this was also colored by the fact that my mother had decided when I was in 4th grade that I could make lunches for my younger sister and me--can you say lots of bologna sandwiches? So, clearly, I did not have a frame of reference for this kind of behavior (although my mom did all kinds of other cool things, don't get me wrong!).


But then it got me thinking about all of the things that I do for my kids that I totally wouldn't do for anyone else. For example, my two oldest children like to take apples in their lunch, and my son hates the peel. So, I always cut the peel off for him before packing his apples (which my husband would never do, as he rationalizes that he can just eat around the peel on the slices). Or constantly sharing whatever I'm eating or drinking with them, when seriously, when my husband asks me to share something I am usually less amenable. Way less amenable. To the point where he has actually mentioned it before! Or starting bedtimes an hour before lights need to be out so I can spend time reading individually to each one (no wonder I am so tired by the time I finish bedtime!). Or singing each one of them their own special goodnight song. It's amazing how things that you think would be kind of a pain to do for someone else seem totally natural to do for your own kids. How can I resist though, when the thank-yous are such awesome hugs and "I love yous" and "You're the best mommy in the whole wide world." Sigh. Clearly, the incentive outweighs anything else!

Sickness and cleanliness...

First of all, thanks to everyone who made such lovely comments on my post yesterday. Your kind words definitely helped to cheer me up! I appreciate the support. 

Today I am in the process of completely scrubbing down the house. All three of my kids are sick with fevers, coughs, runny noses. They are all huddled together on the couch watching movies. One is finally starting to feel better (thanks, antibiotics!), one is feeling bad off and on, and the other, my youngest, is utterly miserable with a high fever. I am off to the store to pick up anything that he thinks he might like (apple juice and ice cream, although I'll probably go with popsicles). 

But the awesome thing is that while I'm at the store, I will still be vacuuming. How, you ask? Because my parents gave me a Roomba for my birthday! Is it so sad that it is one of my favorite presents ever?! While I have been cleaning out closets, doing laundry, giving snuggles to my sickies, the Roomba has been (happily?) motoring around all of the rooms upstairs. It is ridiculous how much I love it. I'm thinking of giving it a name! Now, if they'd only make one that could clean bathrooms, I would be in heaven!

Hopefully, all of the cleaning and the liquids and medicines will help everyone get on the mend. We are on spring break this week, and I definitely want us to be able to do some fun things! 

Off to wage more war against germs and then run out to the store. We are all thinking healthy thoughts here!

Get Chipper...

Get chipper...that's what my mom used to say to me whenever I was being a sullen and surly child...and teenager...and young adult. (What can I say? It took me a while to figure things out!). And that's what I'm telling myself today. I'm frustrated with my job, some of my colleagues, definitely my principal, feeling like I am being crushed by the demands of the varying levels in my classroom, pondering moving to a smaller place so we can try to save some money, depressed about the amazing job that we just found out we didn't get. Ugh. I can't imagine a more depressing entry to read (let alone write!). And I'm trying to figure out how to get chipper. So here are some things that I am going to try doing over the next few months:

1. Try a yoga class. I have been wanting to do this for a while, and I think I need to do a little something just for me.
2. Get back on my lose it app. Doing so well, but have been stress eating lately. Need some self-discipline.
3. Get outside more. Am taking the kids hiking this week during spring break on various trails around our area.
4. Ok, I think I better just stick with 3 right now. Then maybe I'll have a chance of actually doing some of these things!

Hopefully, these 3 things will help me start to get chipper, which will help me be a better wife and mother as well. And maybe a martini or two also...

A poem for my daughter...

Ok, so I don't know what's come over me since I started the slice of life challenge in March, but I've been doing things I never thought I would--like write poetry.  My daughter's birthday is in a few days and I tried out a poem I may give to her. I don't know--I find it hard to decide on my own writing sometimes...

Before you were born

Daddy and I tried out

so many

names.

Olivia

Hannah

Libby

But none were quite right.

Then we thought of

a new one, a

different one.

Jillian.

We tried it out,

we thought of

nicknames

(Jill, Jilly, Jillybean,

Bean, Beanie, The Bean).

We liked them all

(Daddy’s favorite

is Jillifer).

We couldn’t wait

to meet you.

And then it was time.

Even though there

was sadness

for Papa Frank,

there was also

joy.

And there still is.

There are many

ways you add

joy

to our lives.

When you make

the crazy face

that makes

Aunt Bethy laugh.

When you play

Pokemon battle

with Ben and Dan,

and then

go off

to shoot baskets.

The way you started

a new school

fearlessly, openly

making friends

everywhere.

But most of all,

the way

you ask me to

snuggle

and

give you

a guardian kiss,

guardian thought,

and guardian

kissy-kiss

at night.

Because you are

my one and only

nine-year old

girl.

The sun'll come out...

So, we went to see Annie, Jr. today as a second grade field trip. So much fun, and the production was terrific. But then we got back to school, and several of the parent chaperones unloaded on me about not being able to wait in the commons to leave in the morning (because it was state testing) and about having to watch 4 (!) kids for 10 minutes when we got back (because they had left early and we had to wait to make sure that everyone was accounted for in their cars). And then I just feel like I've been trying to work with my class all year to be kind and respectful to each other, and it just feels like we haven't gotten anywhere, and then seeing the parents this morning made me feel like I understand why, but the upshot is that I am very discouraged today.

I feel like we should be in that time of the year where we are able to enjoy each other and the things we're doing more but instead, I feel like I'm still in the first six weeks of school and have been all year.

I don't think it helped that we came back and had to eat lunch in our rooms because we'd missed lunch in the cafeteria and we had to eat almost silently because testing was almost finished but not quite and we'd missed all of our specials for the day so I had to grab a passing teacher just to run down and grab my lunch and take a quick bathroom break before having everyone for almost four more hours!

Oh, woe is me! Ok, I do really have some perspective on this, and know that things could be worse. So, I am going to try and take to heart the words from the inimitable Annie's theme song, "Tomorrow," have a martini, and call it a night.

After all, it is only a day away.

How do I feel stressed? Let me count the ways...

Yikes! I almost didn't post tonight. Ruth and Stacey, from Two Writing Teachers, are taking the week off, and so I almost forgot to write tonight. I was hoping that it wouldn't get so crazy that I put off the writing, because I'm already lamenting not being able to make myself write every night. So, even though I was about to go to bed, because I went in early this morning (6:15) and I need to go in early again tomorrow (my son needs help with something but forgot to bring it home (argh!), I decided to sit down and write. Instead of going upstairs, lying in bed...and then letting my mind race with all of the things I need to do in the next 6 weeks of school...fractions2PYPunitsofstudy(yes, we're behind)readingassessmentspoetryunitfieldtrips2ofmychildren's birthdaysmyoldest'sfirstfencingtournament (out of town)...ack! Ok, I need to take a deep breath already.

Anyway, I am rereading Georgia Heard's For the Good of the Earth and Sun on teaching poetry, and every time I read it, I feel this lovely sense of calm and serenity. I think I want to be her, or at least be near her--maybe her calmness could waft over me and bring my mind-racing, anxiety-fueled persona back down to a normal range. On the other hand, at this time of the year, I'm not sure anything can do that!

Hopefully, after having had my anxiety attack already over all the things that need to be done, I can just go upstairs, lie in bed...and fall asleep.

Beach house memories...

Some of my fondest memories are of my family's old beach house. My mom would get everything ready and the car packed, so that when my dad came home from work around 8:00, we could hop in the car and get going. There was a cot laid in the back seat with 2 legs folded down and 2 on the floor and this crazy patchwork pillow that we used just for car trips for my sister and me. We'd start driving in the twilight, listening to the murmur of my parents' conversation and the strains of "Me and My Bobby Magee" on the 8-track. At some point, several hours later, I would wake up because there was a new smell in the car--the windows would be open and the salty air would wind itself in and around the seats and just barely ruffle my hair.

We were usually the last to arrive on a Friday night, and my grandparents and my aunts and uncles would be sitting up on the screened in front porch, waiting for my parents to carry us up, half-asleep, to the dorm room with the other cousins.

My favorite part was at night, when all of us kids had gone to bed. We slept in the dorm room, with four beds and two trundles pulled out, under posters of surfer girls in Hawaii, and, inexplicably, a poster of a ship sinking with the exhortation "Loose lips sink ships." We would climb into bed, our sheets always slightly damp from the humidity, always a little sandy, no matter how often you would try to brush off your feet before getting in, and talk and joke and giggle in the darkness, until a parent would come in and say that NOW we really had to go to sleep.

Then I would turn my head to the window, looking for the red light at the top of the water tower, listening to the sound of the waves rolling in, and to the adults--having taken over the screened in porch with a glass of wine or a martini, the red glow of someone's cigar, and their quiet conversation punctuated with sharp bursts of laughter, quickly smothered.

We have a new beach house now, much bigger and prettier and comfortable than the old. But I'd go back to the old house in a second if it also meant being able to count on having the whole family together again.

Not your typical Tuesday...

Well, I wrote about my first tornado watch in Texas a few weeks ago, but since it is still so new to me, I'm writing about it again after today. During a meeting today, I asked my PYP coordinator if we had a new tornado plan (the school has grown, so apparently the old places to shelter during a possible tornado had to be moved around). She said she would check.

Well, wouldn't you know, we were under a tornado watch later in the afternoon. Then, around 2:15 or so, she came to me with the message, "Here is where your class goes if there is a tornado, and you should go there now."

What?! Right now? This instant, now?!

I know I felt a little wild inside, but I turned to the class and quietly told them to get in line and follow me. Then, I led my rowdy bunch of 20 second graders into...yes, the bathroom in the faculty lounge. We crowded into the space and then were joined by about 6 first graders.

At first, everyone was quiet as they worried a bit about whether we would actually get a tornado. Then, the silence was punctuated by some nervous giggles, a few tears (from the more drama-oriented girls in class), and some surprised yelps as the toilet flushed several times (it has an automatic sensor and flushed whenever someone moved). Of course, one student did scootch through everyone to tell me that she had to go to the bathroom--there's the power of suggestion!

As we waited, and waited for the all-clear, my little ones began to get restless. So we entertained ourselves with some math guessing games and a rousing rendition of "The Little Rooster and the Turkish Sultan."

Just as I was starting to feel lightheaded? dehydrated? from all of the hot air in the bathroom, the principal poked his head in and said everything was safe.

I'm glad everything turned out fine for us today. But I am thinking about others who lost their homes and businesses around our area. Tornadoes scare me because of their capriciousness--the destruction is so random.

Welcome to Texas, everyone is saying to me. Hmmm...I prefer my welcomes with a little more champagne and a little less worry about death and destruction.

Running out the door...

Ok, I can't believe I'm up at 5:30 on a SATURDAY! But, some people from school planned a day trip to some big flea market a few hours from here, so I'm up and, well, not really at 'em, but close to it. All I need is a giant Coke and I should be fine. (And maybe a short nap on the way there!)

This is the first outing I've had with people from school since we moved here, so it should be fun. I'm looking forward to getting to know people a little more on a social level.

I know I won't have time today to post later, so this will have to do as my final post for the slice of life challenge--a bit anticlimactic, but maybe appropriate. I don't want the writing to get in the way of the living, just to enhance it!

Way to go to all of us--31 days! I know this is a huge accomplishment for me and I am feeling...mostly proud, and a little sad that it's over. I will definitely be slicing on Tuesdays--I think I'm hooked!

Thanks, Ruth and Stacey!

It's always fun until...

It is a beautiful day here--almost 80, sunny, puffy white clouds. So, on the way home from school we passed a park the kids like to go to and they asked if we could stop. Well, asked might be too serene a word for the screeching and pleading that actually happened. But I was happy to stop for a while on such a fabulous day.

The last time we were there, the kids discovered a little creek with a plank across it and proceeded to get their sneakers soaking wet. So, of course, they asked if they could go in the water (again, that might be too staid a description!).

I think their mouths dropped open when I said just to take off shoes and socks first. At one point, my youngest said, "Well, how are we going in it then?"

That is when I decided that they would definitely go in because is it possible that my 6 year old has never been wading in a creek? The ocean, yes. The lake, yes. But just a random sun-dappled creek with tons of flat stones for skipping? It was time.

They had the best time wading around, trying to skip stones, and then the big discovery--clay. Real clay and a large flat-topped rock just waiting to be used as a potter's wheel. The kids just scooped up gloppy handful after gloppy handful, constantly calling to me to show me their clay-caked fingers.

It was so awesome.

You know the old saying, though--it's always fun until someone gets hurt?

And that's where we ended up. Jill slipped and put out her hand to catch herself and sliced her hand right where the finger and palm meet--ouch! When I looked at it, it seemed a little deep to me.

Now when I looked at the water, instead of seeing this fresh, sparkling little creek, I instead saw a stagnant, bacteria-infested swamp.

So, the end of the fun (for today). Grabbed everyone's shoes and socks and headed to the car.

Did some major cleaning and sterilizing of the cut when we got home. I think it will be ok without stitches--it seemed to be closing up a little. So we're going to clean it some more before bed and hope that this is just the normal type of thing you might get when you're having a lot of fun. Right?

It didn't seem to dampen anyone's enthusiasm, though, since they all asked if we could go back tomorrow!

Reflections on the slice of life challenge...

Wow! 29 days in a row of writing. And not just school writing. Writing for me. I'm sort of surprised by myself and have been reflecting a little on the slice of life challenge. And here's what I think:

• revisions are like exercise (at least for me)--kind of miserable in the middle of it, but feels so good when you're done
• having an actual "deadline" seems to be the only way I make time for writing (what to do when the challenge is over?!)
• slicing every day really builds the writing muscles--it's easier to keep it up and come up with ideas
• some days are better than others
• I'm a sucker for comments (thanks to all of you who have commented!)
• I clearly need more time to write well--the posts I liked the best were when I was on break and was able to take a while to write and come back to it later
• having a writing community is a nourishing thing--it has been amazing to read so many different slices and get a glimpse into others' lives and be inspired by their writing

I'm so glad that I am doing this! Only 2 days to go--we're almost there!

Post-is Interrupt-is

We've come home from school and dealt with the snack issue (my kids are always starving after school) and I sit down to work on my post (it's 5:20).  I start thinking about what to write, when...

"Mom, I need some help on my homework."

Get up, check on the math homework, give a few suggestions, come back to the computer (it's 5:40).

Just about to start typing when my husband calls to say he'll be late and can I get dinner started (he always cooks since my idea of making dinner is pouring cold cereal).

Get things started and in the oven and sit back down to the computer (it's 6:10).

The phone rings.

It's my sister and her husband just got back from his deployment, so I answer.  As we talk, she tells me she needs some help on an application. But now it's time for dinner, so I tell her I'll call her back (it's 6:35).

We eat dinner and I come back to the computer (it's 7:00). But I decide to call my sister, because, as she said, it "should only take a minute."  At 7:30, I tell her I need to get the kids in bed and I'll call her back.

Go upstairs and have my kindergartner read to me (love listening to him read!) and read to him. Tuck in my daughter.

Come back downstairs (it's 8:10) to my oldest son and husband practicing fencing moves.

Remember I need to call my sister back. As we're finishing up and getting the computer issues straightened out, my daughter comes down to say she can't fall asleep (she has the worst allergies right now) and can I come up and snuggle with her (it's 8:50).

Go back upstairs and stroke daughter's hair until she falls asleep (it's 9:10).

As I'm walking downstairs, get a text from a good friend that she needs to chat and can I call her in 20 minutes.

Decide that there is no way I'll be able to get any uninterrupted time tonight, so I'll just brush my teeth, get in bed and call my friend back.

Maybe tomorrow I'll take the laptop into the bathroom with me, lock the door and not come out until my post is done!

Money, money, money...

Who was it who said, "Money isn't a problem if you have a lot of it."

Ugh. Right now my husband and I are trying to figure out how to deal with some debt and make better financial choices. This is never a conversation that I like to have. I was raised with a pretty comfortable lifestyle, one that definitely didn't require me to be independent financially (and maybe even discouraged it).

So it was definitely a shock to be living on not just one, but two teachers' salaries and also go to grad school--a great thing professionally, but a real setback financially (don't I wish that schools would pay for a PhD like some companies pay for an MBA!).

My first instinct is head-in-the-sand avoidance, but apparently, as one of two grown-ups in a (relatively) equal partnership (can you ever get them to actually see dirt?), I am trying to figure a more productive reaction.

No, I didn't scour the house for chocolate (although I thought about it!). Instead, I decided to go for a walk.

What a difference it made in my mindset. Instead of being completely panicky, now I'm only partly panicky! The rest of me agrees with my husband that we can get through this together.

But I still wish we'd win the lottery.

My "baby"...

He is my baby. My first baby. The one who still likes to cuddle and have a story read to him at night. The one who lays his head on my shoulder and says, “I love to be near you, Mom.”

Even though he is a big 10 year-old kid.

And he’s this great, interesting, thoughtful kid, who takes his school work seriously, has taken up fencing with the same seriousness, who feels the sting of injustices no matter who is on the receiving end, who is kind and thoughtful toward everyone (even his brother and sister—most of the time), who is starting to get adult humor.

And now…

I think we’re starting to have mood swings here, and they’re not mine (at least, not usually).

Yikes!

You can see it come over him, and I think he can feel it too, and yet he can’t control it. So he’s alternatingly snappy or overly sensitive.

But being Ben, he’s so completely verbal that he’s talking about it in the middle of the mood swing. After snapping at his sister, he’s saying in the next breath, “Why am I feeling so angry about this? It’s not that big of a deal. But I’m SO angry with her!”

Then we have a prolonged (to my mind) conversation about adolescence and the changes that happen.

But for the most part, he’s happy to be growing up.

Except for last night, when he asked if I could come up and read to him a bit. I was sitting on his bed with him, in the dim light of the bedside lamp, with the ceiling fan making its click-click-click sound, when he looked up and said, “Sometimes I wish I could be little again. It just seems easier.”

And then he asked for the song from when he was a baby.

And I was happy to have my baby back for a few minutes.

Make it go away...

It looms over everything today.

When I'm doing schoolwork I'm thinking about it.

When I'm running errands I see the different groups.

While the kids and I are playing at the park I know it can't be avoided.

While I'm writing this blog I know it's waiting for me.

Colors.

Lights.

Whites.

Laundry...why can't you do yourself?!

Achy-breaky...everything!

Today my husband and I spent about 6 hours doing yard work (it's been a while!).

We weeded (and weeded), mowed, edged, swept, washed down tables and chairs, reorganized the garage.

Tonight I can feel every muscle in my body.

I just hope I have enough strength to lift my martini to my lips.